Origins of Species

In the beginning God made heaven & earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of God was moving over the face of the waters. And God said, "Let there be light"; and there was light. And God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, one day. And God said, "Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters." And God made the firmament and separated the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament. And it was so. And God called the firmament Heaven. And there was evening and there was morning, a second day.
And sometime between the 6
th and 7
th day before God rested, God created the sebaceous gland. These microscopic glands are the ones responsible for the secretion of sebum which lubricates the skin and hairs of mammals. In humans, they are found in greatest abundance on the face and scalp. And sadly on this particular human, they are found in the most superlative abundance on his God forsaken face.

When one is blessed or cursed (depends how you look at it) skin that produces oil that can rival BP’s leaking oil well, one must finds ways of trying to “plug the damn hole,” as Obama succinctly puts it. However, instead of blaming genetics for it (that means you, dad), one must attempt to experiment with various products which will eventually lead you to the right one. Others say this is trial and error, I, on the other hand, prefer to call it, that’s right spend more, screw up your face with this useless gunk and waste plenty of time. The constant pursuit of finding the perfect solution for this dilemma has been an age-old quest, kind of like the quest for the Holy Grail.